It's been a good day. What makes it good and not just horrendous, like most of my days, is a group of friends I have on Facebook. We started as a craft group and turned into a support group for just about everything. I never saw any of those people, and yet they help me by being there more than anyone I have present in my life right now. Because they are real, truthful and not pushy. And very, very caring. This is a post to say a BIG thank you to them. It helps knowing that someone out there cares like that, someone that has no history with me, doesn't really know me, but just takes a leap of faith and becomes friends with you, no matter the differences, and cares for you without judging. Isn't judging an awful thing? I hate it, but I'm guilty of it. We all are sometimes...but I'm really ashamed when I stop and think of myself like that. Maybe we are all more harsh to ourselves. What I hate even more is people that talk about other people doing it while themselves do it more than anyone. Now how did I find myself ranting about something again. Is that all I am now? I really hope not. I would give anything to see again a person I was ten years ago. Or even five, though to tell you the truth, five years ago I was already sick of being alone without my friends. And to think of how many I left back home, it makes me sick. Is there really something wrong with me that I can't find a friend here? I don't think I'm that bad of a company...but maybe I'm making excuses thinking I can't find one because everyone is either a Mormon or someone I really don't want to be around.
I have Chris and Mika. They are my world. Literally :D
Mika is learning about shadows, it is very cute, he stares at his shadow on the wall and gets so excited, then he wants Chris to do shapes and chases them around. He doesn't really want me to do it, like many things that he doesn't want me to do. I guess I deserve it because honestly, I'm not the worlds greatest mom. I'm so preoccupied with depression, boredom and loneliness, that he suffers because of it. Many times instead of taking him outside, I go online to see what my friends are doing. I am also very ashamed of that, but somehow I can't change it right now. I suck. I wish for the days to go by faster, and sometimes I realize that it is our lives that are going without me really participating. Scary.
I have Chris and Mika. They are my world. Literally :D
Mika is learning about shadows, it is very cute, he stares at his shadow on the wall and gets so excited, then he wants Chris to do shapes and chases them around. He doesn't really want me to do it, like many things that he doesn't want me to do. I guess I deserve it because honestly, I'm not the worlds greatest mom. I'm so preoccupied with depression, boredom and loneliness, that he suffers because of it. Many times instead of taking him outside, I go online to see what my friends are doing. I am also very ashamed of that, but somehow I can't change it right now. I suck. I wish for the days to go by faster, and sometimes I realize that it is our lives that are going without me really participating. Scary.
Comments (0)
Post a Comment